Ode To The Unknown

You darted into my heart and I am helpless. I never could quite remember another time when someone looked at me like you did. Like a shotgun and I was lying there helpless. Ashamed that you were able to see my desires I try so hard to conceal.

I was not wrong to root for you in that show you're in, where dreams are only as far as one's fears. Goodluck. The fire is in your eyes. And it lit up mine.

I Wish For You

R., to find what you have been looking for. The love of your life (your body clock is tick-tick-ticking ahahhaha) and lotsa "coins" to go with it ....

T.P., more wealth, more love, and a bright future for both Alex and Gabby.

N., to also find what is hopefully there between you and M.: respect that stems from genuine love.

K., more success, the kind that you want, defined by the desires of your heart.

A., more success too, for finding what you've been dreaming of, and the knowledge that you are more than equipped for it.

P., love ... of both the self and the capacity to love others because of it.

L., light, to know that our fears sometimes are monstrous only because we allow them to be. Courage, too, to know what your heart beats and to go for it.

G., love, too because that's the best gift this world has to offer.

H., self-confidence because you have what it takes to make good out of this world. You are not defined by the fates of your parents nor by the circumstances you are born into. Our destinies are shaped by our hands and that of the Supreme Being who believes in us. Remember, too that I love you.

To my friends in Lucena, more years of togetherness, in a way that distance defines togetherness because that's what we can afford for the meantime. When we're old and grey, I hope that the tequila wouldn't wreck disaster to our dialysis machines and that our lungs could still afford some puffs, and that our laser-cured eyes would be clear enough to recognize company.

To my family, more years of togetherness too because I'm just starting to know how to love.

Merry Christmas to all of you. Happy New Start for the New Year too!

To paraphrase a poem in Pablo Neruda's "Fully Empowered": Go on because you go on, because you go on. ( The original line goes something like: I go on, because I go on, because I go on).

Around The Bend

Doing some last minute shopping. Christmas is just around the corner and although I wouldn't be going home to Lucena 'til the 30th, I don't think I would have enough time to buy all the things I need to.

It's the thought that counts, they say. Sometimes, the thought could really cost you. Hehehehehe!

BAMBOO - MUCH HAS BEEN SAID

"...start over again ...."

Vodka Season

Seems like the vodka therapy is working. Been nursing a cold for three days now, and I've been treating myself with glasses and glasses of vodka. Hit off the week with a "one-rounder" (our definition by the way is more like 3 rounds ehehehe) of vodka with R. and we drank again last night, this time with TP, J., and R.

So far so good. I don't know if there's a medical reason for it or if it's really medically plausible to cure colds with vodka.

Or maybe, having a cold is my body's way of telling me I haven't been having alcohol lately. Hahahaha!

But well, no fear, Christmas is just around the corner and it's inuman time already. There are scheduled Christmas parties left and right starting next week. Couldn't wait. Hehe.

Change

Tina convinced me to change my layout and try the new and improved blogger beta. So here it is. It's cooler. I conceded because I thought I needed a change. Not just in my blog but elsewhere. I'm definitely transitioning. Slowly but surely. I hope.

Why Mau Is An Idol

That last shot, before the CBB (closing billboard) was glorious. After Mau had sung her record producer song choice, Reymond Sajor went on stage and hugged a victorious kababayan.

It was glorious for two things:one, both of them are Lucenahins (like myself) and I couldn't be prouder of the two of them. That tiny spot of ours in that part of the Philippines called Quezon Province produced not just one, but two, idols.

That thing about being regionalistic has some virtues: for every dream achieved, another person is told that it is okay to aim for the sky. Mau and Reymond showed us that. I could only hope for better things for Lucena and my province. (Another Lucenahin, Jenny Miller a.k.a. Jennifer Rances is also making a name for herself in the entertainment industry).

And that's the second reason why the victory was glorious. My Mom, who's not used to staying up late (unless I told her to catch "Reporter's Notebook" which airs late at night) texted me after Mau was announced the first-ever winner. To paraphrase her, she said she was happy that Mau had won. Mom told me Mau did not manage to finish high school (subject to confirmation) and her life was really hard-up. She was from the same high school where I came from and was a year younger. "Buti na lang, milyonarya na s'ya ngayon," Mom said.

I couldn't agree more. I guess we all could relate to the struggle that one has to go through to reach and realise a dream. Mau was a veteran of singing contests and it is but fitting to have this crown on her head before she shifts into a full-pledged artist.

I've seen her sing in our Glee Club and several other school events in high school and I knew she was going to go somewhere. Talent is what God gives to people to aid them in fulfilling their dreams.

Somehow it seems, it is her destiny. Maybe that's why she had lost to Sarah Geronimo in the "Stars For A Night" several years back. She was destined to be an Idol for a lifetime.

Luck

There are intangible concepts that can be felt. Like love for example. Or friendship. Or trust.

Or God.

The trip to Tokyo nearly didn't push through because of the then impending promulgation on the Subic Rape Case on the 27th. We were to leave the day after, the 28th, and the office couldn't afford to let me off.

The next day, I learned, the promulgation was reset to December 4.

While in Tokyo, R. and I wanted so much to extend because we thought three days wouldn't be enough to see the sights and enjoy the sounds of Tokyo.

On our second day, we inquired about how much the rebooking fee would be. Japan Airlines said it would cost nothing. The three day trip soon became a five day hiatus.

The trip to begin with, was a product of luck. When I downloaded the U2 ringtone, I was not aware that there was an all-expense paid trip to Tokyo to watch the band. I downloaded it and when I was asked to register, I did.

God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, He chooses to disguise himself as, luck.

Tokyo Tokyo

Bono in an interlude during the U2 concert in Tokyo, said: "Thank you for a good life. It's just beginning!"

Back

Back in the Philippines already. Got back Saturday night. I think I must've enjoyed my bed again that I got a stiff neck (hmmm, from where? Or how?) But anyway, I only had Sunday to rest and I'm back to work today to cover the promulgation of the Subic rape case. Tired. Will post photos soon.

Tokyo!

Try

All we need to know. photo taken from the john lennon museum

U2 Tokyo!

Drunk In Tokyo

November 31, 2006

Just got back from Shibuya, Tokyo where we met up Isao's Got drunk with Hobgoblin drink which was only available from this British pub. Martyn, who was from a Tokyo News Agency, paid for the first glass, which was great cuz it saved us a thousand yen.

Dada was also there, which was the first time I saw her in six years. We were together in Kule.

Staying at Ruth's cousin in Ikabukuru. Been to Shibuya twice. Going to Harajuku for the anime thingie. People there dress up in anime as regular clothes we were told. Hehehe. Going there!


Sunset in Tokyo


OFWs in Tokyo wehehehe


Dada and I


Same faces, different place ehhehee


At the Tokyo Bayview Park. Sa Roxas hahahhaa


At the John Lennon Museum in Saitama

Japan Here We Come

Now it can be told. We're flying to Tokyo to watch the U2 vertigo tour in Saitama. Won this raffle by Smart and it's a trip for two, all expense paid trip to Japan. We're leaving on the 28th and will stay there until the 30th wohooo.

Got our visas today. There were the jitters, we thought we lacked the requirements but Jojit pulled the charm card and convinced the embassy that we didn't need the ITR because it's their company which is shouldering the cost of the trip. Wohoooooo!

I'm assembling my three-day wardrobe (read: really thick jackets and nothing more hekhek).

Hay, muy excitado!

With Or Without You

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait

And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more

And Im waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I cant live

With or without you
With or without you

Fingers-Crossed

Soon. Soon.

Never Be Lonely

The Feeling

People in love they're fast and foolish
People in love get everything wrong
People in love get scared and stupid
People in love get everything wrong
At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
They'll never be lonely
B-b-b-baby
I think I'm going c-c-c-crazy
Why should I be sane without you (hahh)
They tell me to fight it
They can bloody well just try it
[ these lyrics found on www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
I'll never be the same without you (hahh)
People in love get special treatment
People in love get everything wrong
People in love their hearts get eaten
People in love get everything wrong
At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
They'll never be lonely
B-b-b-baby
I think I'm going c-c-c-crazy
And why should I be sane without you (hahh)
They tell me to fight it

Old Life

I left my former life in my old room.

I didn't know packing up would be that symbolic. But it was time to write finis to the past. "What is lost is lost," a French film said once.

Amongst the rubbish I unearthed a letter I had written in October 14th and 16th, 2004. They were my letters to P., where I wrote goodbye. (It really was a day before my birthday as I recalled).

But the words are dead now. Writing that, I remembered was the most difficult I ever had to do. I was torn between continuing and ending the relationship, then. But I had made the ultimate decision of leaving, which, in hindsight, would leave me with a little regret.

But the words have no meaning now, as probably the relationship does, right now. It was somehow a relief to have felt being so far removed from the memory when I saw the letters. I have made progress after all.

And the dead words must be burned. From ashes to ashes. From nothingness to nothingness. So I crumpled the letters, after reading them for the last time. I read every word, every sentence, every period and comma as though they were parts of an old map of a city I suddendly found myself in. But which I soon, too, must leave.

Outside, I burned those letters. Remembering all that was and had been, wishfully thinking that the memories would go up in smoke as well.

The past has held me hostage for too long. And I had thought I was ready.

I wished for someone very opposite to P. but ended up looking for someone like him.

"You broke his heart," PJ told me. At the back of my head I knew I did. I had explained it to M. why I did what I did, carefully not causing more pain that I had already.

I thought I knew what I wanted, now I don't know what it is I'm looking for.

"I've learned not to wish for anyone anymore," I texted PJ.

At 27, it is as if I'm just starting to discover who I am.

A Series of Fortunate Events

Me, third from left. Rova and her buddies were kind enough to invite us to a banana boat ride and a digital camera. Shot in Galera before one of those plunges hehehe.


So this is how crashing into the sea feels like.

I finally fulfilled my wish of going to the beach. A much-delayed birthday gift Went to Gale with G. and spent two days starting Monday.

Sunday, I was bone-tired from all the packing I did when I transferred homes. Didn't want to push through with the plan but thought I might not have another opportunity in the next few weeks. So despite nursing a backpain and being sleep-deprived, I hauled myself to the bus station at 8 a.m.

You could tell I was a little brain-dead (it was early, so don't blame me hehehe) because I boarded the bus to Lipa instead of Batangas Pier. But it wasn't my fault, the security guard told me the bus would go straight to the Pier. But I didn't want to get off the bus. The pier is some 30 minutes away to the Pier anyway.

There was some tall guy who was sitting two seats away on the opposite side who was kind enough to remind the driver that I would be getting off in Lipa where a bus to the pier would be available.

"Baba ka ng Lipa, 'no?" he asked me smiling.

"Yeah. Thanks," I said half-smiling. But I was wearing my shades so I didn't know if he saw I was happy that he helped somehow.

So that more than compensated for the snaffu.

But there was another one.

The boat we rode was supposed to bring us straight to White Beach but there were a few tourist on the trip we were on. Actually, two. Just me and G., and another local. So instead of getting off at White Beach we found ourselves on Muelle (pronounced Muyle by the locals).

The place looked like Olongapo because there were a lot of old, fat Caucasians.

"Dito pala nagbabakasyon si Santa Claus," G. said.

"Yeah. Before he distributes the gifts on Christmas," I retorted.

So from Muelle, we rode a tricycle to White Beach. Found a place at Mendeluke. Got a reasonably priced two-bed room. And hit the beach immediately.

I bought one of those tie-dyed shawls and laid it on the beach. Got two beers and dozed off. Yeah, I did. Like a power nap. If I had not woken, I would have been literally burned.

G., said there was a nicer beachfront at the bend, so we walked there. True the place was more serene but the problem was the sea was deep considering it was just a few meters away from the shoreline. So we ditched it and went back to the main beach.

I'll abbreviate this entry:
We tried snorkling from which I got jellyfish stings (shit, they still itch right now as I'm writing this) and banana-boat otherwise known as torture-yourself-and-paying-for-it-for-P130. Hehehehe. Made new friends (Rova et. al.). I hope she emails the pictures soon. Tehehee.