September 16,2005

Three years. That's how this post is. Dug it from my other blog to check my progress. Apparently, not very succesfully. 

Erased

Iyon na marahil ang pinakamalungkot na pag-iisang dibdib. Sa altar, solo akong humarap sa paring pagal. Nagmamadali pero hindi niya alam ang sasambitin.

"You may now kiss the bride?," sabi n'ya, palinga-linga.

"Trick question ba s'ya father?" tanong ko. Kung hawak ko lang ang bulaklak ay naihampas ko na sa kanya.

Walang bulaklak. At wala ring ibang tao sa simbahan. Dalawang kandila ang nakatirik sa magkabilang tabi ng pari. Pero para sa akin 'yon.

"So ano'ng gagawin ko sa 'yo?" naiinis na tanong ng pari.

"Hindi ko rin alam," ang nasabi ko na lang.

"Bumalik ka na lang 'pag may kasama ka nang babasbasan ko. May burol pa akong pupuntahan," pakiusap ng pari.

Tinitigan ko lang siya.

"Maghanap ka. Huwag 'yong magdadrama kang pupunta dito ng mag-isa," naiinis na niyang sabi habang sumulyap sa relo niyang ginto.

Tinitigan ko lang siya.

Tumitig lang siya pabalik.

Tiningnan ko lang siya ulit. Ang kanyang mga labi. Ang matang nagniningning at sing-itim ng aking dilim ng pangungulila. Ang kanyang makapal na pilikmata.

Dumausos ang aking titig sa leeg niyang may butlig butlig na pawis. Sa parte ng kanyang leeg kung saan nag-uugnay ang dibdib at leeg. Minsan na akong nakatulog doon.

Tumungo siya.

Muli, pilit ko siyang tiningnan.

Umatras siya. At naglakad palayo sa aking kinatatayuan. Inihatid ng aking pananaw ang paring tumalikod. Hanggang sa nagsara ang pintuan ng simbahan.

Dilim.

Paano ko sasabihin na pinakasalan ko na ang aking nakaraan. At nabiyuda na rin ako nito.

Pag-aari ako ng aking nakalipas

Reminder to Myself

Walk Away lyrics
What do you do when you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go?

I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping

Got caught in your web
And I learned how to plead
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely

And it hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smog
It was all an illusion

Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)
Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper)
We both can't subdue
Darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)

I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your lure
and I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

Everytime I try to grasp for air
I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over
Seems I never wake from this nightmare
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over

Inside I'm screaming
Breaking, pleading the world
Ahh...

My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each peep reminds me of you

It hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I'm about to break
I guess I missed it
I'm addicted to your lure
And I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I say...
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

Only thing I need to do is walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

ARMM Elections Class Picture

Tomorrow we will walk with the people of the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao as they make history in voting in an automated elections. Whatever happens here will show the pathway to a nationwide, fully-automated elections in the country.

The Paths to Peace

Are we ready for an automated elections? 

The answer to this question will be known tomorrow, when the people of the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao or ARMM get out of their houses to take part in this historic elections - the first automated elections in our country. 

Maguindanao will use a technology which is called direct recording electronic election system or DRE. This technology will be the fastest in all of ARMM since the other areas will use the optical mark reader or OMR.

The difference between the two systems is that the DRE will have a voting pad where the names, faces and the positions being sought by a candidate. All a voter should do is press the name to vote for a certain candidate, much like getting a can of soda in a vendo machine. The COMELEC says a voter should be able to do it in less than 3 minutes. 

The OMR which will be used in areas like Lanao del Sur, Basilan, Sulu and Shariff Kabunsuan, still uses the ballot but unlike in previous elections where a voter should write, legibly, a candidates name, he or she now only has to shade a an oval which corresponds to a candidate's name. After voting comes a face of the "old" elections, the ballots from precints will have to be transported by the Board of Election Inspectors from the precints to Cotabato City, specifically at the Cotabato City Polytechnic College where the municipal and provincial counting and canvassing centers are located. 

There will be counting machines which will tally the votes from the "electronic ballot" which will be easier and relatively faster than what we're accustomed to when teachers would painstakingly record in "taras" the number of votes on the blackboard. 

All the election returns will be consolidated in a municipal canvass and then in a provincial canvass. The results of which will be transmitted online to the regional canvassing area which is in COMELEC-Manila. 

The results will be known almost simultaneously in ARMM areas and Manila. 

Tomorrow is a historic day for all of us and it's taking place amidst the tension between the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) and the government over the botched signing of the memorandum of agreement that would have paved the way for the creation of the Bangsamoro Juridical Entity (BJE).

If one takes a long hard look at these two events happening in Mindanao -- one can see a similarity: both the elections and the clamor for a BJE have one objective: representation; the right to be represented by a leader voted by the people in the case of the elections and the right to be represented as a people, unique with tradition, culture and history in the case of the BJE. 

These are two different but nonetheless intertwined paths to peace. 

We cannot take one at the expense of the other. 

The Path To Peace

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Alicia Keys!!!!!

Monoblocks notwithstanding, it was a great show. Looked like Alicia Keys enjoyed it too, she came back for two encores: "No One" and my ultimate favorite, "If I Ain't Got You."

In a segue to "A Woman's Worth," she said: "If you love someone, make sure he knows what you're worth."

True. 

Yipee

CAN'T WAIT :)

"You Can't Always Get What You Want"

A ghost re-appeared. And the feelings have not changed. But the Rolling Stones said ...

... and it pains me.

Hayskul Life (este College Pala)

Klasmeyts at the UP CFA. Hehehehe. (Nenok galing ke isaac na multiply account). The difference in years between me and them is roughly 10 years hehehehe

"Boses"

Saw Ellen Ongkiko-Marfil's film "Boses" yesterday at the CCP. Beautiful, beautiful film!

Wanted to see it to compare it with Achero Mañas' "El Bola" (The Pellet) which I've seen some years back. Both films deal with the subject of domestic violence, specifically child abuse, a subject close to my heart.

The two films may be years apart and made in the context of two different countries and cultures, but the language of pain (and consequently healing) is nevertheless the same. 

"Boses" manages to tug at the heart of its viewers, as "El Bola" did, because the film's circumstances are familiar --- at one point, one becomes Pablo (El Bola's protagonist) or Julian ("Boses" lead). 

(more on the subject in a later post). 

Catching Up With My Plates

Tons of plates to do since I was away for two weeks. But I'm getting by. Here's one.

Can't Let Go - Landon Pigg

Well youre the closest thing I have
To bring up in a conversation
About a love that didnt last
But I could never call you mine
Cause I could never call myself yours
And if we were really meant to be
Well then we justify destiny
Its not that our love died
Just never really bloomed

Well I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And then we saw our paths diverge
And I guess I felt OK about it.
Until you got with another man,
And then I couldnt understand
Why it bothered me so.
How we didnt die we just 
Never had a chance to grow.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past.
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the 
Things I do.
And you cant lose what you never had
I dont understand why I feel sad
Every time I see you out with someone new.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past

San Diego Ink (tehehe)

Today, I fly. Finally was able to get my Mercury wings tattoo done. Frank and I went to Lefty's tattoo shop in Chula Vista to get my tattoos. Good thing they had all the designs up on the wall and I just had to choose which one I liked. I got a wing on each of my ankle for $80. Hehehe. 

I've wanting to get one since I figured I liked traveling and what better way to remind me that the world is for one's taking than two wings on my feet. We don't walk, we fly. And like what Macy Gray said: "I'm the sky baby, I'm never coming down!"

They still hurt especially because there's not much flesh in the ankle area, it should be alright though in a few days. Will post it here once I get the cover out :)

Universal

Went to Universal Studios today. Just got back. Here are some photos. Wonderful place! I'm like a kid again. Well, always been. What is it that they say, don't lose your sense of wonderment? Hehehe :) 

Mama MoMa

Second task: MoMA (Museum of Modern Art)!

MoMA is very near the hotel where we were staying so I immediately went there when I got the chance and it didn't fail me. 

Saw some VanGoghs, Picassos and Pollocks. 

This particular painting spoke to me, and I don't know why I could relate. 

Anyway, there is a yellow room there where everything looked black and white. I was a bit disoriented when I got into the room , had to get a couple of seconds to take in what was happening hahahhaha! Loved it. 

I'm wrapping up my coverage here in New York (will miss it. I think I can totally live here hheeehe). Going to San Diego and will stay there for a week. My TIta was generous enough to pay for my ticket to San Diego hehehehe. Will go back to New York though to take my original flight schedule as arranged by the office (I just moved the flight date). 

Big Apple

To get to know a city, you walk. Along its veins of roads, one can feel the heartbeat. New York is alive (compared to Washington). Got to the two of the three things I set out to do here and more. 

Last night, tired out of my wits, I decided to reward myself to a trip at a local pink bar. Looked it up on the net, marked it on my map, and off I went.

Our hotel is on Lexington Avenue on 51st St. The bar says it would be on 52nd. On the West side. So off I went, map on hand, armed only with an explorer's heart. First I backed up and looked for 50th. I don't know why I did. Turned left and was hoping, some seven blocks down, I'd find it. After three blocks I found myself on 1st Avenue. Looked up the map and found out I should've have been on the West side (I was walking towards the East side). 

I decided to go by cab, I didn't want to be tired before being drunk hehehe. Found the place finally. It's called "Therapy Bar". At the front door, they were showing their IDs. When it was my turn, I told the bar staff that I didn't have any of those IDs the others are showing because I wasn't from here. He instead just told me to show any picture ID. I said I have my office ID? Hehehe. "You're fine. You can go in," he said. 

Went it. The place is loud (compared to bars in Manila) and it looked like I came a little too late at 2sh because the comedy performance was over and all of them looked drunk already. Hehehe. So I finished 3 Coronas and went home. Walked all the way to my hotel. Passed by Broadway hehehehe. 

Task No. 1. Get drunk in New York, done!

NYSE

I'm writing from the inside of the New York Stock Exchange where the President is scheduled to ring the opening bell of the trading. Tight security yeah. This person who ushered us in told the Palace people the official in house cameraman couldn't bring the camera because the camera was too big for the trading floor. Said he couldn't move around and stuff. I butted in saying he wouldn't mind lunging that camera (no.1 it's RTVM's?). Moving around is going to be HIS problem not the NYSE people. Thing with this people is they think they could just order us around not understanding and speaking English and stuff. Duh? They finally gave in. And I'm enjoying their free Wi-fi hahahahah

New York Ranting

This is not my idea of spending my first day in New York. Arrived here at 3:30 am from a four hour drive from Washington. Almost immediately I had to voice for 24 oras. Then afterwards, write a script for News on Q and voice the story. It's 5:22 am right now and my camerman and I haven't had a decent sleep even while we were in Washington. And I have a 7:30 am coverage later. 

Where is God?

I Need Rice and Vodka

I'm experiencing my own little version of a rice crisis here. America does not have rice! Hehehehe. For the past so many days here, I've been subsisting mainly on sandwiches and hamburgers. I think I got to eat rice only twice at a Chinese restaurant called "City Subway" or something (where I got the fortune cookie written about in an earlier post).

Today I heavily multi-tasked: covering, writing stories, dubbing and converting the video, then uploading it. Made all the more challenging because I work in a different timezone. Right now it's 3:58 PM in the Philippines and it's 3:58 AM here. :(

Uploaded voice over clip for 24 oras before we went out for our super late out dinner. It was too late to find out that everything closes at 2 am in DC. Except for 7-11 where we got our dinner: a burger and a hotdog sandwich AGAIN!

Covered PGMA's meeting with Bush today. Subject of another post later. 

Lesson from A Cookie

Washington, DC -- It's funny when a cookie speaks to you. And this one perfectly made sense to me. Sometimes we don't know what we want. We think we want something and when we're finally doing it, we don't know anymore. What the cookie seems to offer as wisdom is we have to enjoy what is given to us. 

Luckily I can say that I have my freedom. I can work on the happiness part. Hehehehe.