Liberation

You can call it an incidental coming out.

Two days before our team-building, my stars spoke: "LIBRA ... " it said. "We're all in the closet in one way or another. Every one of us feels that there's some part of ourselves we've got to hide, that if we reveal the totality of who we really are, we will suffer. For example, U.S. Army Sergeant Robert Stout, who was wounded and got a Purple Heart for his service in Iraq, ultimately decided he was tired of being secret about his homosexuality. As a result, he can't re-enlist, even though he'd like to. My psychotherapist friend Alicia has always used astrology in her practice, but only recently chose to be open about it. Some of her colleagues broke off relations when she told them. According to my reading of the omens, Libra, it's an ideal time to carefully come out of whatever closet you've been in. I'm not saying there'll be no repercussions, just that you'll have clarity and strength as you deal with them. And the freedom you create with your brave revelation will change everything for the better. "

I didn't think of it as significant thinking I am already (at least to my closer friends). Boy, was I mistaken, big time.

At the start of the two-day team building, this HRD girl said in her introduction something to this effect: be comfortable. Be yourself. Okay lang na maglantad.

As if on cue, everyone in the room (at least that's what I think what happened. I was overwhelmed, needless to say) looked towards my direction. I was taken aback, in a good way.

"Hmmm, that's a nice start," I thought to myself.

And that wasn't the end of it.

Somehow, the topic of my being gay kept cropping up in conversations and little chit-chats until that one session when I had to be a little categorical about it.

In the exercise, we were paired with an officemate at random. Since the number of the participants was odd, there was someone who was left without a partner. That was me. Was it fate? Or was it just bad luck?

Two of my immediate bosses volunteered to be my partner. We were given two minutes to talk and find out something more about each other.

Outside the venue, over cigarettes, Ma'am G asked, "So sino s'ya?". I feigned ignorance in an effort to avoid the subject. But we both knew what she meant by that.

Later on I realised that it would be futile to evade the subject. I thought too that it was a perfect time to confront them with my fears. I don't remember anymore the questions but I found myself telling them that acceptance of my sexual preference was incremental. That denying it would be an act of denying myself. My being gay is part and parcel of who I am.

I told them that if there's one fear that I harbor it is the fear of being stereotyped; that my capabilities would be dictated by my sexuality.

"It's really up to you to prove otherwise," Ma'am G. told me.

When the session resumed, Ma'am T volunteered to share with the group our discoveries.

"May nakumpirma (or something to that effect) kami kay Joseph. And binigyan lang namin siya ng assurance na okay lang 'yun," Ma'am T said.

The group grew curious so they had to ask me to share what it was that Ma'am T was talking about.

I must admit that I was a little scared to reveal it. We have different levels of awareness when it comes to homosexuality and I was afraid that people will react to it differently.

So in coded language I said: "Sa trabaho natin na ang layunin ay magpalaya sa pamamagitan ng impormasyon para makagawa sila ng pinag-isipang desisyon, importante rin marahil na una sa lahat malaya tayo."

I think the majority got the message.

In another session, when we had to write our impressions of our officeamates I got this: "OUT," "You're _ _ _, okay ka!"

That was enough to assure me that I had made the right decision. It was nice to discover that it's not a big deal after all, that I'm in the right environment, where I can be myself.

Liberation, sometimes does not come easy for some. For me, it was sponsored by my office.