Sunday, May 20, 2007

Life Lessons No.3,I've Seen The Light

SanMig Light that is. And here are my drunken epiphanies: if someone tells you he loves you but you don't feel it,he probably does not. The tongue can betray what the heart really feels. Call a spade a spade and see things for what they actually are. Forget standards. I used to want someone who was stable, has his own career and goodlooking. I actually met him but turned out, I wasn't really looking for those qualities. Now I'm stuck with H. who satisfies only the goodlooking part. And finally, stop thinking. Don't bother with the variables that you can't control, the scenarios that may not happen but upon which you can make a decision. What will happen will happen. Or as Cheska would say 'burn the bridge when you get there.'

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Page 161

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Page 161 of the book "Youngblood 3", that's where my first published work appeared. Entitled "Lonely People", I wrote it using the pseudonym "Matthias" (the reason for such will be best understood after reading the essay). Read it when you have the time.

Matilda, I was told had a boyfriend. But I will not elaborate on the matter considering the gap of both time and space between me and her.

Reading the essay now, almost four years after, had me feeling nostalgic. Nostalgic of the old times and the old me. Wrote it several months before my first same-sex relationship in 2003. And before a lot of other things that have happened in my life. It's nice to have somewhat of a marker in time, tucked in between the essays of other youths, published in a book, preserved in print forever.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Ma'am Letty

She was our big momma before "Big Momma's House" came along. A sweet loving mother figure for all of us from Quezon High ever since we met her on our third year.

Back in our younger years, respect was something we accord to people who have earned it because it was the kind that stems from love and not just because of authority. She was one of those we truly respected because we loved her.

When I was in Lucena last week, I suddenly remembered Ma'am Letty Salagoste. I asked my Mom how she was but Mom didn't know.

Today she texted me to inform me that she had passed on, on April 10th, several days before I went back to Lucena.

I was shocked. I hoped I had gone back to Lucena a couple of days earlier and paid her a visit in Sariaya where she lived.

In our lives, we have people who affirmed us, who believed us, and showed us what we were capable of. She was one of those in my life. In my third year, she gave me, what I consider now, as a break, via a hosting stint of the school's annual pageant. Before that I never thought I could speak to a thousand people (although back in elementary I joined oratorical and declamation contests, but the size of the crowd was definitely smaller) but she knew better. Looking back, myself in this present job, I smile at the fact that somehow she was part of the whole grand plan to bring me to where I am right now.

When my classmates were then rebellious, little pranksters in high school, she, with her loving care, showed us that it was okay to stand-up for ourselves, but do so only out of love and loyalty, a little compassion wouldn't hurt either.

When we were afraid to go beyond our boundaries, she gave us wings. Because of her we saw a world that was and is limitless.

If we have the confidence that we have now, it was because she was generous with compliments, even our mistakes, she saw not for what they were, but for the lessons we were about to learn.

If we knew love and fraternity amongst ourselves, it was she who showed us that. That high school would last only for four years but the friendships that we could build would last a lifetime.
Even after graduating from college and getting jobs, if we went to Quezon High, she was one who we would fondly look for. If only to remind us of where we have come from.

But now she is gone. Without a single goodbye from either parties. And this I regret. How could someone, who have given you so much, go away unnoticed?

I hope that before her final days, she had seen me in one of my reports on TV. I would have loved to see her be proud of me. I would not be where I am right now, if it weren't for her (and of course, the many others like her).

I hope too, that she had seen, somehow, how successful many of my batchmates have become in their chosen fields.

Ma'am Letty would dearly be missed and fondly remembered: the big mommy with a big heart who never married. We were her family as she was ours.