Happy Place

I've always been afraid of the past, preferring to leave it as I left it: questions unanswered, puzzles unsolved.

But I guess I was partly right to avoid it. It has, anyway, a way of coming back. Coming back and resolving itself.

Had a talk last Sunday morning (hmmmm I can relate to Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning" soooo much better hehehe) with P.

First off, past is past but it felt good to revisit it. In between bottles of beer (and pansit for him), while the early morning sun rose, we talked about what had happened between us.

There were, suffice it to say, issues within me that were resolved. Misconceptions, mostly mine, that were corrected. For the longest time, in a flashbulb moment, I've been living in one.

I have trust issues I told him.

And then he proceeded to ask why my last relationship didn't work out.

I refused to tell him (in my mind I knew what the answer was) and asked him instead if he were to be trusted that time.

Yes. He said. Never mind if that could have been more of a justification, an excuse.

Like the Sunday morning sun, a light shone on the deepest darkest corners of my mind.

And every thing became clear.

I saw myself as I used to be. I remembered how I was at a time when love was really love and was not a matter of convenience.

For the first time in several years, it felt that that person is never out of reach again.

I could be what I was before.

I am excited to meet my former self.