Monday, April 04, 2005

Cross

When I woke up this morning, I felt light, like one would feel after a deep sleep, a long rest, after a fight has been resolved, after something has been resolved.

I told this to Aiz. "Peace?" she suggested.

"I'm not sure. Did I feel light because I'm empty?" I asked.

It's been bittersweet, his leaving both literally and figuratively from home and from me. Out of curiousity I opened his email and checked his "sent folders". There I found an email he sent to his bf. Said he was in Hong Kong now and that he misses him so much.

Fuck!

Why did I even have to open his goddamn email?!Makes me wonder, if I could find courage to do such crazy things, plunge into things that I knew would ultimately hurt me, why couldn't I find the courage to forget?

I am the cross that I bear.

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