Eulogy

On Wednesday, March 30, 2005, I shut the doors of my being to you. That was the last and final goodbye.

I don't know if you went there by choice or by circumstance. Did you, because you had to get your things or you wanted to see me for the last time? I don't know. I don't want to know.

You were thinner from the last time I saw you. You wore a new wristwatch (a gift from your beau perhaps?) And you still smoke.

Did you know that I picked up smoking because of you. Back then when you were abroad (when we were still together) I felt nearer to you every time I smoke. Maybe that's one of the few things we did together. And it reminded me of you. To a certain degree, it's still is the reason why I can't quit.

We didn't talk much. There was so much unspoken between us but I felt that time I have no reason to bring them up. What for?

And so, again, the inevitable has happened.

Before you boarded the cab, you walked towards me, staring at me deeply, like you did when I first met you. You leaned towards me. I held your arm, squeezed it gently and said goodbye. Were you leaning for a kiss? Or was it just my imagination?

Some things are best left unanswered. And forgotten unanswered.

For the memories, this song. I hope you got to listen to the CD I gave you as a send off gift.

Now That You're Gone

If only you could have stayed a little longer
If I had known this feeling then I could've been much stronger
And the hurt I feel right now would be so far away
Now all the memories tell me I should've made you stay

You said we'll make it last forever
Maybe you could've been a little stronger too
Now I know that sometimes promises just fade away
I need you here beside me, it's just no good to feel this way

Now that you're gone
I wish you never had to go
Now that you're gone
This pain I feel inside me just goes on and on
Now I know I need you
An I never should have let you go

I never should have let you go

(For P* and all the things that could have been and should not).