Loneliness As A Habit

"You have a lot of explaining to do," N., calls up out of the blue, after a long absence.

"Huh? What about?" I asked, clueless.

"Hmmmm," N., said mockingly. As if I didn't know.

"What about?" I inquired further.

"P. arrived," he said finally.

"Oh, that. Yeah," I said, simmering down from an imagined climax.

Well that.

Last night, I called up J. to apologise for my behavior on the phone last Saturday (or was it Sunday morning?). I remember cutting him off with a cold "I will talk to you tomorrow."

I remember calling him before sleeping. I couldn't remember what I had said then.

"Pang Magpakailanman 'yun," J filled in the details.

"Huh? O shit," I didn't think it was that mushy/melodramatic shit.

But I'm guessing it actually was.

On Oprah last night. A replay on the subject of getting over, of closures.

"God is on our TV sets," I texted R.

He was reminding.

I actually felt stupid, that something like that needs repeating. It's been a couple of months already for crying out loud.

Acting stupid is not going to be my hobby.